i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
