I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
