Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
