he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Watching her eat just hurts me
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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