I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
