then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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