i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
