after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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