Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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