sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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