some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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