I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
