I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm having to shit out rocks
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