Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
