i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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