You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
