Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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