3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
