she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
