Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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