Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
