Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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