apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
