So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
