u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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