watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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