It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
