Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
