and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
