This girl is more easily done than said...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
