Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
