I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
