Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Your dad touched me again.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
