Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
