um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
