I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
