My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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