Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
