I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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