I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
