Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
there is glitter all over my balls
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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