Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
