Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
