I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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