HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He passed out mid-signature
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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