I think i peed on brittanys purse
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
