look no pants
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
