so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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