All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
