She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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